


A Mouth, A Hand

by CaseyBenSullivan



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blow Jobs, College, Fanart Welcome, First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Overcoming Homophobia, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-15
Updated: 2008-12-15
Packaged: 2017-11-15 21:17:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaseyBenSullivan/pseuds/CaseyBenSullivan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray has to question his own sexuality when his best friend offers him a blowjob. College AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Mouth, A Hand

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first MCR fic I wrote and posted. In fact, it was the first bandom fic I wrote and posted, too. I was recently reminded of it during a conversation with my best girl, weekendgothgirl. So you can all thank her for this post xD

It'd been a long day. Long, _hard_ day. Professors were not supposed to be hot, young, women. They were supposed to be fat old guys with balding gray hair who droned on about philosophy. Not curvy chicks wearing pencil skirts and perching on the edge of the desk at the front of the room. Mrs. Benson. Not that it mattered that she was married anyway, right? She was a prof, and he was a dorky sophomore who couldn't keep his hair under control. It would never happen.

But still. He felt a little fucking bitter every time he thought of her as Mrs. Benson. With no fucking right to think that, either.

Today she'd been wearing this cherry red skirt that wrapped around her thighs, and a matching low cut wraparound shirt thing. Her cleavage, fuck. Ray licked his lips, biting down on the tip of his tongue as he tried to focus on the words on the paper in front of him.

It didn't help that he was studying with Gerard, either. Gerard, with his long hair and shiny lips, prettier than any guy had a right to be. Ray ground the heel of his hand against his crotch, trying to distract himself from his hardon. Just trying to buy a little time until they were done studying.

"You uh, want some alone time there?"

Of course Gerard was fucking smirking. Fucking smug.

"Shut up," he muttered, hastily yanking his hand away, face flaming. Right, like he could actually convince Gerard he hadn't been doing anything. Like Gerard would fucking leave it alone.

"Uh huh," Gerard said, obviously no longer interested studying. "Having a... hard time there?"

If it hadn't been so embarrassing, Ray would've laughed. Instead, he chucked his pencil at Gerard. Gerard ducked, and it landed somewhere on the linoleum behind him. "Unfunny, Way."

"No," Gerard corrected, smirking, "Way funny."

Ray rolled his eyes. "God, you are such a loser."

"Yeah, and?" Gerard blinked, no longer smirking. Instead just looking at him with wide, round eyes, made to look wider and rounder with all the black eyeliner around them. That was what Ray focused on, instead of the nervous feeling fluttering around his stomach. That fake innocent expression Gerard pulled so expertly always had that effect on him. "So hey. If you want me to help you out with that, or whatever. You know."

Ray's face flamed even hotter. "I'm not _gay_ ," he hissed, as if someone might overhear. But since they were closed up in his dorm room, that was pretty fucking unlikely.

"Yeah, and?" Gerard said again, and looked at him fake-innocently, again. Ray gnawed on his lower lip. "Hey, a mouth is a mouth."

A mouth? Gerard's fucking mouth? "Way," he began, trying to be firm. Even as he was trying to figure out why what Gerard was saying had to be wrong. Because it just was. Right?

Gerard just beamed at him. Ray frowned in confusion at the sudden change in expression. "What?"

"You said 'way'," Gerard said brightly. "Not 'no way'."

Ray rolled his eyes. "I meant your name, dumbass." A blowjob. From a guy. From a guy who was his friend. He wasn't considering it. No way.

"Yeah, sure you did." Gerard jumped up from his chair and flopped down next to Ray on bed, making the mattress dip. Ray felt queasy all of a sudden, like maybe he'd already made a bad decision. He wasn't moving away from Gerard, or laughing at him. He felt like he should be. Gerard went on, "You know you want me."

Ray laughed, more startled than anything else. Sure, Gerard was a fucking flirt, but this was like... close range. How did you just laugh it off when one of your guy friends just randomly offered to suck your dick? Especially when you were so turned on you were actually considering it.

"I want _sex. Not_ with you."

Gerard tried to look wounded, but didn't succeed very well. His pout had to be fucking cute, too. Then the pout disappeared, and Gerard smirked at him again. "Right, because there's twenty girls lined up at your door to have sex with you, right."

"Shut up." Ray looked down at his hands, which turned into looking at his crotch, which turned into looking at the bulge of his hardon and feeling it even more than before. Ray took a deep breath. What the fuck. He was horny as hell, and it wasn't like he was actually turned _off_ by the idea. And maybe he'd thought about it once or twice. But only because Gerard had that long fucking hair and pretty fucking face, and looked like a fucking girl. Sort of. "It's not like I'd do it back, y'know."

There was a long-ass moment of silence where Ray wasn't sure he'd really said it. And then Gerard was bouncing up and down next to him. Only for a few seconds though, because then he stopped. And when Ray looked up to risk a glance at his face, Gerard was looking at him with this big shit-eating grin. Oh yeah, this was going to be just great. Not.

"I _have_ done this before," Gerard pointed out. "Y'know. With straight guys."

It made Ray sigh a little with relief that Gerard still thought of him as a straight guy. Even though he was still considering this. He couldn't help but grin a little. "Well, yeah."

"And gay guys, and bi guys, and chicks with cocks," Gerard went on. "And chicks without cocks..."

"Okay, I get it," Ray muttered. "You get laid a lot."

"Actually, no," Gerard corrected. "That's a misconception. Well, and I was lying. Y'know."

"Oh, yeah." Ray nodded. "I totally knew that." Except not.

"Right," Gerard said. "So can I suck your cock?"

The first thing that popped into his head was, 'God, you are such a fag'. But figuring that would probably lessen his chances of actually getting a blowjob, Ray carefully held his tongue. "Y'know, if you want." Probably a better response.

"Cool." Gerard put a hand on his thigh and leaned in a little. Ray unconsciously leaned away, swallowing a gulp. Turned on and uncertain at the same time. Okay, so this was really going to happen, Gerard was really going to suck his cock. And it was only then that Ray noticed the flash of hurt in Gerard's eyes, and the way Gerard leaned back a little. Fuck.

They both sat there for a while, then. Quiet. Awkward. Ray wanted to fidget, but Gerard's hand was still on his thigh. And. He could feel it. And he wanted to feel more.

They avoided looking at each other for a while. Ray's eyes would flick up, then away, face burning as he felt Gerard glance in his direction. Eventually, finally, he looked up again, and their eyes met, Gerard looking uncertain, Ray terrified that Gerard was going to take off. It wasn't that he was worried about not getting his dick sucked now, although there was that too. But it was mostly that Gerard was his friend, and Ray really, really didn't want to lose that.

"Look-"

"Shut up, Toro," Gerard said determinedly. Ray shut up. "I have one rule."

"Rule?"

"Yes." Gerard took a breath, which Ray interpreted as cleansing. Maybe getting up his courage or something. "The rule is, you have to let me kiss you first."

Ray frowned, his brow furrowing as he thought about that. "Okay..." He didn't get it, but hell, it wasn't like a kiss was a huge price to pay to get your cock sucked. "Okay." He took his own deep breath and closed his eyes, waiting for it. Then heard Gerard sigh soulfully.

"Geez, you don't have to look so terrified," Gerard muttered. Ray's eyes shot open and he opened his mouth to apologize, but Gerard wasn't paying attention. "Whatever, I'll just do-"

"No!" He must've gotten Gerard's attention with that, because Gerard stared at him, and this time, his wide eyes were real. "I mean... it's just... I've never... done this with a guy before. Y'know. But I... I want..."

"Oh. Right." Gerard bit his lip, scratched the side of his neck. Ray held his breath. It wasn't like he... _wanted_ to kiss a guy, or anything, but, Gerard was his friend, and it was just a kiss, and God, he was fucking turned on. Had been all damn day, but he'd been thinking about chicks, not guys. Well, he'd been thinking about Gerard a little. And now he just wanted Gerard to get on with it and kiss him already.

"Yeah..." Fuck, he could do this, he really could. It wasn't like he'd never thought about how pretty Gerard was. Or thought to himself that it was too bad he wasn't a girl. And Ray wasn't homophobic or anything, just... just. Not gay.

They were both leaning in, slowly, but not at the same time. Ray would move, like, an inch, and then he'd stop, and Gerard would move a little. Closer and closer, but not close enough, until Ray just thought, 'fuck it', and leaned all the way in and kissed Gerard, because if Gerard was the one to start it, well, then Ray was the homophobic one. He didn't really have anything to prove to Gerard, or anything, but if Gerard was going to suck his cock, well. He could at least initiate the kiss.

Gerard was a pretty good kisser, which Ray tried not to notice. And he only put his hand on Gerard's thigh to steady himself, not because he wanted to touch him. Gerard tasted like lip gloss and coffee, and okay, open-mouthed kiss. He hadn't thought he would actually ever do that with a guy, but if he was going to, he guessed he was glad it was with Gerard and not someone else. Because Gerard was fucking pretty for a guy. And a fucking good kisser, too.

"Mmm," Gerard murmured, pulling back before Ray expected him to, and Ray leaned forward, following. Gerard smiled widely at him, eyes bright, looking straight into Ray's eyes as he moved his hand up Ray's thigh. Ray breathed a little faster, a little shallower, and licked his lips, noticing the way Gerard's eyes flicked down to his mouth at that. He started to wonder whether Gerard really just liked cock, or if Gerard actually liked _him_.

Well. It didn't really matter, right? Because Ray was pretty much on board with everything that was happening, no matter how unexpected it was. How could he not, with the taste of lip gloss on his tongue and Gerard's hand curled around his cock from outside his pants.

From inside his pants would be better. Ray let go of Gerard's thigh to undo his own zipper, hoping he wasn't being too forward. Sure, Gerard'd been the one to make the offer, but didn't that also make Gerard the one who got to decide how this went? He was just as worried about scaring Gerard off as he would've been with a girl, but he just couldn't get his fingers to stop undoing his zipper. And Gerard didn't look like he was about to go anywhere, so that was good. Really good.

Ray startled a little when Gerard's hand settled down on top of his, and somehow that was more intimate than Gerard's hand over his cock. Of course, there was still denim between his cock and Gerard, and it was just skin against skin when it came to their hands. Ray swallowed and slid his hand out of the way, fingers brushing against Gerard's from underneath. He more nervous than he ought to be, especially since he was just going to get his cock sucked. Gerard was the one who was going to be doing the sucking. A lot more stigma for Gerard, there. Except that Ray felt like the vulnerable one.

"It'll probably be more comfortable if you take your pants all the way off," Gerard was saying, almost babbling. "Y'know, to avoid zipper burn and whatever."

"And whatever," Ray echoed skeptically, but there was something shy about the way Gerard was looking at him, so he didn't want to make fun. Didn't tease Gerard about wanting to see him naked, because, well, maybe he did. And Ray wasn't so sure how he felt about that. Just... horny, for a lot of different reasons. Not necessarily Gerard specifically. Gerard in general, and his cock getting sucked. In general. Fuck.

He was straight, and the first time he was going to have sex, it was going to be with a guy. How did _that_ make any fucking sense, anyhow?

"Right," Gerard agreed, and then he was off the bed, on the floor taking off Ray's socks. Which, really, wasn't exactly necessary, but maybe Gerard had a thing about socks. Whatever. As long as Gerard was going to suck him off, because now he was really looking forward to it. And if Gerard didn't do something soon, he was going to have to take matters into his own hands, because he was fucking _hard_.

Ray lifted up a little, giving Gerard room to pull his jeans off his thighs. All of a sudden Ray was self-conscious, hoping Gerard didn't think his legs were too ugly, like weird in shape or pale or too hairy. It was the hairy thing he was worried about the most. Paleness he didn't really have to worry about, because hello, Gerard Way. Goth. Mr. Snow-white-skin. Although some of that could be the makeup.

"Don't look so nervous," Gerard said, kinda smirking, kinda not. Not enough to make Ray feel bad, or at least, any worse than he already felt. Not that he felt bad bad, just kinda, really fucking aware of how big and hairy his legs were and how hard and stiff his cock was and how hot it felt and how cool the air felt all around it.

"I'm not," he lied, "just, yeah." Smiled, sorta, and wrapped his hands in the blankets on either side of his thighs. His cock was pulsing, and Gerard was staring at it, sliding his hands up his thighs. Okay, so it didn't seem like Gerard really minded his legs. But fuck, man. His best friend was seeing him _naked_. And from a really weird angle, too. No one had ever been on their knees between his legs before, and _fuck_ , it was fucking hot. Who knew?

"Ready?"

Ray just nodded, half wondering if he should be the one asking if _Gerard_ was ready. Of course, all coherent thought disappeared when Gerard leaned up and forward and held Ray's cock in front of his mouth, and then all Ray could think was 'hand, on my cock, someone else, breath, _Gerard_ '. He bit his lip hard, determined not to make a sound.

He moaned when wet lips wrapped around his cock, warm mouth surrounding him, firm tongue pressing up against hot flesh. That was all it took, and Ray was coming in Gerard's mouth, body stiffening suddenly as he gripped the blankets and his hips thrust up hard. Sharp little fingernails dug into his thighs and Ray groaned out loud, cock pulsing one more time before Gerard's mouth disappeared. Cold, suddenly, and Ray shivered, groping for something to cover his cock with. The air was fucking _cold_.

Gerard swayed back to sit on his heels, coughing a little and wiping his face with the back of his arm. Ray winced in sympathy, kinda not wanting to look but kinda fascinated too. After all, he'd come in Gerard's mouth. And he was pretty sure Gerard'd swallowed some of it. Fuck.

He got the blanket over his lap and looked at Gerard, who was starting to stand. Couldn't help but let his eyes drift down to Gerard's crotch, where his pants were bulging just like Ray's had been a little while ago. Ray gnawed on the inside of his cheek, and it was awkward, because he didn't really want to do anything now. Maybe kinda curious, but... not enough to touch. Wasn't even sure he wanted to watch. Problem was, how did you not offer to return the favor when a guy'd just sucked you off? Or anyone, for that matter. Now would be a really good time to be a little more experienced.

"Um," he began, not knowing what to say. You didn't go around saying 'thanks for the blowjob' or 'so, you're all set then', so he was kinda lost here. Gerard seemed to be the experienced one, so. Maybe he knew what to do after he'd just sucked his straight friend's cock.

Gerard was standing up now, palming his cock casually through his pants. It was like a trainwreck - Ray couldn't help but stare. When he looked up, Gerard was smirking, smug despite being obviously turned on.

"Hair trigger much?"

Ray blushed, and tried to scowl. Okay, so apparently Gerard wasn't too worried about getting the favor returned. Not if he was making fun of him like this. But Ray knew it was just in fun. Besides, he'd just gotten a blowjob. Who the fuck was he to complain?

"Whatever," he mumbled, pushing his hand back through his unruly hair. Maybe it was Gerard's way of letting him off the hook. Ray hesitated, then looked up. But couldn't quite look Gerard in the eye. "You uh - you good?" Wimp. He was a wimp.

Gerard shrugged, and wasn't looking at Ray either. "Yeah, 'm good."

Gerard went to sit back down in his chair and put his book in his lap, not that it was hiding anything Ray didn't know about. And all Ray could do was sit there and stare at Gerard, half naked under the blanket, satisfied and not-hard while Gerard hard and not satisfied but furrowing his eyebrows at his textbook as if he was actually reading it. Definitely letting Ray off the hook.

Ray wasn't just a wimp, he was an asshole. So okay, no matter how weird this made him feel, Gerard had sucked him off. The least he could do was help Gerard out a little, or at least not fucking ignore him now. Asshole, he was a total fucking asshole.

"Hey," he said, and Gerard looked up, his expression carefully guarded. Ray sighed. "You know, you're an idiot."

Gerard looked startled. A little pissed, too. "What?!"

"For letting me be an asshole."

Gerard blinked. Stared at him for a minute, let that logic stew in his head. Then, "I'm an idiot for letting you be an asshole?"

"Yeah."

"Uh, okay." Gerard looked like he wasn't sure what to think, and looked down at his book again, eyes a little glazed. Not focusing on the book, but pretending to.

Ray tsked and shook his head. Gerard twitched, but didn't look up. Even though Ray could tell he really, really wanted to. The fidgeting was a dead giveaway. "Hey, idiot." Ray smiled fondly when Gerard looked up. "Get over here."

Another blink, and Gerard put the book on the desk, before getting up slowly. He came over to the bed - a little stiff-legged - and sat down gingerly next to Ray. It might have been the first time Gerard seemed not absolutely confident about what was going to happen next, except for every two weeks before they had a test. "Yeah?"

Ray didn't say anything, just kissed him. Gerard leaned into it right away, tilted his head a little, pushed his hand into Ray's hair. Ray didn't mind; kinda liked it, actually. Because Gerard was fucking into it. The last time anyone had been into kissing him was back in high school, and none of those girls had been as good at kissing as Gerard was.

Girls weren't as forceful about it, either. And Ray was surprised to find that he liked that, too. Didn't have to be as cautious. He could kiss as hard as he wanted, didn't worry when his teeth clashed against Gerard's. Because Gerard's teeth clashed right back, and his fingers were pulling on Ray's hair a little. Tugging. Making him aware of more than just where their mouths touched, and it had never been like this. Never been this good.

He took the next step, put his hand over Gerard's crotch. He'd never been so bold with a girl, but he didn't feel like he had to hold back here. Not when Gerard's mouth had been on his cock, and his own cock was still out. What was there to be hesitant about? Nothing. Nothing at all.

"Mm," Gerard murmured into his mouth, fingers tightening in his hair. Gerard's other hand closed down over the one on his crotch, and he squeezed slightly. "Y'know... y'don't... have to."

It had to be killing Gerard to say that. Which just made Ray all the more determined to help him get off.

"No, it's okay," he murmured back, pressing down. Kneading a little, like he thought he would like if someone else was doing it to him. "A dick's just a dick, right?" Blushing, barely believing he'd said that. Having his eyes closed and his lips smashed against Gerard's, voice muffled, helped.

Gerard laughed, sounding a little startled. "Yeah," he agreed, hand sliding away from Ray's. Letting him have at it, Ray guessed. Ray swallowed, kissed Gerard a little more, his lips and his cheek and his jaw. He tasted different than girls, but his skin was soft like theirs. Just as long as Ray avoided the little breakouts that Gerard had on his skin, just like everyone else their age had. Gerard wasn't perfect. But then, neither was Ray.

He fumbled with the button on Gerard's pants a little, pausing in kissing him so he could look down and get it right. Gerard lifted up his hips and helped pushed down his pants, which were so typically Gerard - black with red stitching and silver chains, probably something he'd gotten from Hot Topic. His underwear was just plain old briefs though, tight and white and doing nothing to hide Gerard's erection. Was Gerard hard just from sucking him off? Damn.

Ray wasn't sure what he expected Gerard's cock to look like, but it looked... normal. Just a cock, with a shaft and balls and a head, with coarse hair around the base. The hair was actually lighter than Ray's, a medium brown instead of dark orange, and not as thick. Ray ran his fingers over it, feeling Gerard pant in his ear.

Ray was suddenly curious to explore every part of Gerard's body, but he was sure he'd have a chance to later. At least, he hoped so. Right now though, Gerard probably wanted to get off. So Ray wrapped his hand around Gerard's cock, taking in the contrast of his light tan to the blush pink of Gerard's cock, darker at the head. He'd never really watched himself jerk off. It was kind of fascinating to look at Gerard while he stroked him.

"I've like, never done this before, so uh, tell me if I'm doing it wrong." Ray wasn't about to assume that it was the same touching someone else as it was touching himself. The angle was different, and Gerard's cock felt different. Different texture, different weight, different pressure. A little thicker, a little longer. Enough for him to notice, but not enough to make him feel inadequate. Not really.

Gerard didn't say anything, just panted softly against his face. Warm fall of breath against his cheek, his eye, Gerard's fingers petting his hair gently. Fingers tightening a little every once in a while, and Ray tried to catch on to the pattern, to what made Gerard hold tighter or put a hitch in his breath. But he did it so often that it was hard to figure out what one thing he liked best, so Ray just did it all. Stroked, squeezed, rubbed his thumb over the head. It felt weird and sticky, fluid spreading over his skin, someone else's precum. Weird, but familiar at the same time. Comforting in that way, that they weren't all that different.

"Mm. Ray," Gerard murmured softly, and shifted, hips coming up, cock trying to press further into Ray's hand. Surprised that he hadn't thought of it before, Ray let go of Gerard's cock and leaned over, across the bed to get the lotion from his nightstand. A tentative touch to his back startled him, and Ray jumped a little. Gerard pulled his hand back quickly. "Sorry."

"No, 's okay." Ray stayed where he was, leaning across the bed, his shirt riding up just where Gerard had touched him. He didn't blame Gerard - knew how tempting a naked strip of skin could be, and was kind of flattered that his skin was the skin that was tempting someone else. He'd never really felt attractive or wanted like that before. Gerard was making him feel wanted.

Gerard's hand trailed up under his shirt, tracing his spine, up to his ribs. Ray shivered a little, watching Gerard over his shoulder for a minute before reaching to get the lotion like he'd originally planned. Grabbed his box of tissues while he was at it too, then came back to Gerard, squirting some lotion on his hand.

"This okay?" he asked, wrapping his hand around Gerard's cock again. Gerard's head dropped back, and he groaned. Ray grinned. He guessed that was a 'yes'.

Gerard flopped back on the bed, and Ray laughed a little, watching as his friend got comfortable. Then he went back to stroking Gerard's cock, the lotion making it slick and smooth, friction almost completely gone. As he stroked, Gerard rocked up into his hand, groaning whenever Ray tightened his hand. Ray bit his bottom lip in concentration, stroking harder and faster, listening to the way Gerard's breath sped up and he groaned even louder. Maybe Ray had never done this before, but it felt natural and easy and good. It especially felt good making Gerard feel good after what Gerard had done for him.

Ray's hand was moving in a blur, and Gerard was thrusting and panting and groaning. Finally he stilled, hips jerking for a second before thrusting up one last time, and he came, spilling over Ray's hand and his own stomach. Gerard fucked Ray's fist a few more times before settling down on the bed, body relaxing as Ray took his hand away, cleaning up the mess with a few tissues. That done, Ray leaned over Gerard, and kissed him again. Gerard kissed him back, then smiled against his lips.

"Y'don't have t'keep kissing me, y'know," he said quietly, like he thought maybe Ray didn't really want to. "I already blew you."

Ray laughed softly, amazed that Gerard could still think that he didn't want this. He wasn't exactly sucking cock or offering to fuck Gerard, but he certainly didn't mind kissing and touching Gerard, either. It was amazingly easy to get used to.

"What can I say," he murmured, running his fingers through Gerard's hair. Gerard seemed to like that, nuzzling into his hand, smiling up at him. "You're a good kisser, Way."

Gerard flat-out grinned at that. "I think you can call me Gee now," he said. "And by the way, so are you."

"Thanks... Gee." Ray grinned back and moved up the bed, pushing the lotion and tissues to the floor. "I try." He leaned in and pressed his lips to Gerard's, just tasting him. Everything was nice, relaxed, lazy now. Ray sighed, and stretched out next to Gerard. "Think I need a nap now," he admitted.

Gerard laughed softly. "Yeah. Me too."

"Mkay." Ray rested his head on Gerard's shoulder, and closed his eyes. He was going to sleep well.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on AO3 on October 7, 2012. Publication date given indicates original publishing date on LiveJournal.


End file.
